Friday, February 10, 2012

True Love

When out to dinner the other night my wife mentions I need to find my "true love" because she isn't it. It caught me off guard. I thought things were going great. I have sucked in the physical part of the marriage big time lately. It really bothers her that I am not attracted to her physically. I already knew this. Maybe I am more content in the marriage than she will ever be. She also said she can never leave until I find a "true love" because she would worry too much about me. sigh  I don't deserve her. She is too good to me. I feel bad I can't give her all she needs. 

Friday, August 19, 2011

It's been awhile.

Not much has changed in my world. I am still attracted to guys and married. Every time one of our kids heads off to college my wife mentions she feels the last one to leave will be me. I guess she has every right to believe this will happen. She worries she will be alone without anyone one day. I try to make her feel better but nothing works. I am sure it's because of who I am. The subject of divorce comes up every once in a while. We usually just talk about it and it goes away for for a bit, but it always resurfaces sooner or later. I think it's good we can talk about most anything comfortable or not. I have done some things lately that have made her feel sad. I hate when I make her feel sad. It seems to take her longer to get over the feeling. She feels that we are on totally different pages. I agree. I don't know that we have ever been on the same page. I don't think that is always a bad thing.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Family

Well the in-laws are coming for a visit. It's a long one too, a whole week! They never come and stay for a whole week. I know they have been asking around the family why I haven't been so "active" in church lately. They don't know about me or my son. I have been thinking about just letting it rip and telling them while they are here. But we all know that "coming out" to the family doesn't necessarily change things much other than they know. Some understand and some think you should just quit being a big homo because it's wrong. Anyway, have a great memorial weekend everyone.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

I am still here.

It has been to long since my last post. I am always going to write tomorrow. I guess it's finally tomorrow tonight. Nothing has changed much in my life, I am still married with kids. The kids are slowly leaving the nest and our youngest with be here for a while. My wife still loves me very much and tries to understand why I do the things I do.
Since my last post I went on a Bromance trip to Europe for 2 weeks. The wife left to see her sister to avoid seeing me off to the airport. Needless to say, she was upset but I went anyway. It didn't help that I had a crush on the guy either. I guess it was just something I had to do. I wanted to get away from everything and chill a bit. The trip was mostly sight seeing. I was in the car traveling at least 8 to 10 hours a day. I saw and learned a lot.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Start Spreading the News.

 I finally told my oldest son that I am attracted to men. I just felt the need to tell him. He was awesome about the news. He said it made no difference in how he feels about me. He loves me very much and I will always be his Dad no matter what. I feel that we are closer now and it feels great.
I sent a text to my wife with the news. She said she felt like she was going to throw up. She wondered how my son took the news. Let's just say she now has someone else to talk to and it feels great f or her too.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas Everyone and A Happy New Year!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

It's Official

Well, my son told me today he is in a relationship. He said he has a boyfriend. I must be honest and say I had a feeling his new friend was more than just a friend. It's funny how I felt when he finally told me.  I have been crying about it quite a bit today. The tears are mainly for what lies ahead for him. I pray he makes good choices and finds what he needs in this life. I did tell him I love him very much and will always be his Dad no matter what life brings.