Monday, October 6, 2008

Not an Option

I am sitting here shedding genuine tears tonight. I have been for most of the day. I am sad because some one dear to me has taken her own life. She was my friend, some who I loved dearly. I don't know why she made the decision. Did she feel that her family did not love her. Was she unable to get over never knowing her mother who past away when she was only young? Was this the only way out of a marriage that has been difficult? Could I have helped in some way? Did she give me a help message that I left unanswered. I have so many questions that will never be answered. They will never be answered now. I have had a few days in my life where I thought I would be better off dead. It comes with the territory in which I live. But being dead is not an option. I love the Moho brotherhood. Thanks for being here and making me feel like I belong.


October Rising said...

my arms are usually wide open, but tonight they are wrapped around you.

Bror said...

Thanks so much bud. I need it.

Forester said...

Welcome to the blog world of gay married men. I hope you find refuge, true friendship and brotherhood among us. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, but I am glad to see you here and look forward to reading your posts. I would like to hear more about coming out to your wife.

Alan said...

Bror: What October Rising said.

Precious Savior, dear Redeemer,
Thou wilt bind the broken heart.
Let not sorrow overwhelm us;
Dry the bitter tears that start.
Curb the winds and calm the billows;
Bid the angry tempest cease.
Precious Savior, dear Redeemer,
Grant us everlasting peace.

Beck said...

A few years ago a dear friend of mine (we served in the Bishopric together) killed himself in his basement, leaving a wife and kids behind to wonder the eternal "whys".

I was physically and emotionally and spiritually shaken to my core. You can't answer the "whys". You just have to reach out and love even more.

My thoughts and hugs are with you.

Bror said...

Thanks guys, I am feeling better about it. She was my favorite aunt, only 7 years my senior.

Zacchaeus said...

I'm so sorry. My uncle committed suicide and I still feel sad about it 2 years later. But because of this, my remaining extended family has grown closer together than I ever thought it could. That is a blessing indeed. I'm so sorry about your Aunt.

Bror said...

Zacchaeus: thanks for your kind words. So good to see you here. I look forward to getting to know you.