Every so often I fall apart. I couldn't really tell you why. But it happens and I usually come out OK. Reading Becks last Greek Tragedy post really hit home. To be honest, it made me cry inside for several days after I read it. Everything he says in the post is true of my marriage too. I read it several times and wanted to comment, but I couldn't, I was to over come with emotion.
My wife has told me many times she feels more like my sister and not my lover. Yes, it hurts to hear this coming from her. I want to be this lover but I can't. She knows my secret. I finally figured this out about 5 years ago, it's not going to happen. It sucks, but it's true. I do love her with all my heart. It just isn't the "lover love" she needs. Sometimes I can't believe that I use to believe if I got married and lived the good Mormon life my ssa would leave me. I would be cured. It seems so crazy now. And to make things worse, I believe that one of my children suffers from this same ssa attraction. It breaks my heart.
I do get strength to battle life from being here, reading and sharing my life with my moho family. It's a good place to be for me. Things are better now. Thanks