The other night my wife was in one of her fun it-sucks-my-husband-is-gay moods. In a fun way, she was being a smart ass about me being gay. Asking questions like, if I had this or that would you be attracted to me. If she didn't shave her under arms and legs and gave me whisker burn would it turn me on. If she joined the gym and got all buff would I like her lean body? I am cracking up but answering the questions. So after a while I give her a hug and she said, "so all the hugs and kisses you have given me have been fake because you want to be with a man?". Of course I answered, no they are genuine hugs and kisses from me. I know this to be true but how do I make her feel that they are? Wow, she has got me thinking. At least she didn't bring up the "I feel like your sister" topic. I don't know, am I being fake?
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
As we all know, sometimes in a mom marriage we have occasional melt downs. During the last minor melt down my wife said she knew the reason I married her. I just wanted a baby machine. Someone to pop out kids for me. And now that baby time is over, I didn't need her anymore. I am free to find a boyfriend and run off and live happily ever after. I am like, what the hell, where does she come up with this stuff. That's not the reason I got married at all. I thought I pushed all the right buttons when I got married. I have always wanted to be a father since I can remember. But marrying her as a baby machine was not the reason at all. Yes, I knew I was gay. No, I did not tell her my secret. Do I think I should have told her my secret before we got married? Yes, I do now. Does she believe me when I tell her that I thought by being Peter Priesthood and "doing what is right" I would be cured of my male attractions? Hmmm, I don't know. Do I regret my decision to get married? No I don't. Do I feel very lucky to have kids? Yes, very! If I knew then what I know now, would I get married. I don't know. Then the chill sets in and the melt down is over. We tell each other we are sorry and we laugh about it and get on with life. There will be more melt downs. This baby machine theory makes me smile. :)