Sunday, June 28, 2009


The other night my wife was in one of her fun it-sucks-my-husband-is-gay moods. In a fun way, she was being a smart ass about me being gay. Asking questions like, if I had this or that would you be attracted to me. If she didn't shave her under arms and legs and gave me whisker burn would it turn me on. If she joined the gym and got all buff would I like her lean body? I am cracking up but answering the questions. So after a while I give her a hug and she said, "so all the hugs and kisses you have given me have been fake because you want to be with a man?". Of course I answered, no they are genuine hugs and kisses from me. I know this to be true but how do I make her feel that they are? Wow, she has got me thinking. At least she didn't bring up the "I feel like your sister" topic. I don't know, am I being fake?


Bravone said...

Bror, There is such a difference between love for my wife, my true affection for her, and the need I have for appropriate male relationships.

They are so so different. I need to bond and feel accepted by my male peers, especially close friends, but I don't need to kiss their stubbled face. I love to receive hugs from them, but don't want to sleep next to them.

I could go on, but am way tired. I can't speak for you, but it is impossible to compare my love for my wife with my need for appropriate male intimacy.

Bror said...

Bravone, I totally agree with you. There's such a difference for me too. She just caught me by surprise. It was just an awkward moment for a bit. I am sure more are to come. Good to hear from you.

Beck said...

This makes me laugh. My wife has cornered me and wondered outloud if I would like her better if she were more angular and masculinely muscular than round and femininely soft. I told her "no" and she didn't believe me.

I can't figure out why she thinks that I want her to be more man-like. I don't want her to be a man. I love her as a woman, and I desire her to be the lovely woman she is.

I haven't figured out how to help her understand my need for male affection, nor the attractiveness of the male body to me, without seperating those things from my real love for her and who she is as a woman.

When you figure it out, let me know.

Meanwhile, I guess this is to say "you're not alone, my friend".

Philip said...

Your wife knows you love her.

My wife says the same things and she has a point...if she was a man, I wouldn't love her any less but I would find her more interesting, fascinating and physically attractive and I would want to spend more time with her, do things with her, just be around her.

I wouldn't need to tell her how I feel.

She wouldn't need to ask for attention.

It's a matter of engagement.


Sarah said...

I'm sure that you probably want a comment from someone like me, but I don't know what to say.

I don't play those kinds of games any more. Yes I tease Scott about gay stuff, but not really in regards to me.

I've accepted the fact that he loves me, and that his physical love and attraction for me is different than most men for their wives, but it is not non-existent, and it is okay. I am at peace. I have no idea, though, how I got to this point. Maybe it is just anti-depressants that also suppress my libido.

Good luck. Give it some time.