Sunday, July 12, 2009

Detox


I just spent some time with my wife's family. It was reunion time and everyone was there that mattered. It was good to see everyone. The only thing that bothered me was all the gay bashing that goes on. I am only out to my wife so no one knows my secret and I have no desire to tell them at the moment. I can handle the bashing, but I must say I wonder what they would be like if they knew? Would knowing this detox them of all the misinformation and ideas they have of what it's like to be gay? They really are clueless.I don't know how many times I hear from them that you choose to be gay. Duh, this is a no brainer for anyone who is gay. It is like saying they choose to be heterosexual. It was never a choice for me. For those of you that have come out to the family, has it helped to detox them of all the wrong ideas and misinformation or has it made them shun you and pretend you don't exist? I would love to hear your story.



7 comments:

Ned said...

They don't shun me, but sometimes I feel like Bruce Willis's character in Sixth Sense, I know I'm in the room, but they don't seem to see me or hear me. And I do wonder if the conversations turn to how awful the "gay agenda" is when I'm not around.

Alan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alan said...

I'm out to one sister only. She and I discussed coming out to each one of the other family members and we agreed that in all cases it would do more harm than good. They are homophobic but not relentlessly so and it doesn't come up all that often, so I'm used to just shrugging it off.

I think this decision has to be made case by case, need to know basis, and depending on whether it would do more good than harm.

duke said...

Do your kids know? If not, will you ever tell them? My wife's parents know. But it's never discussed (with me that is). They are ALL coming for a family reunion in two weeks & with everything that has passed between MH (my wife) & I recently It will probably come up and I'm dreading it.

My parents and sib's on the other hand all know but don't really seem to care. They love me & it's just what it is.

Sarah said...

I think you've read Scott's experience, which has been mixed. Basically, we found out that we had no idea how they would react, and even though it has hurt that some of them treat us a bit different, we find comfort in the fact that we have exposed them to it so that if they run into someone else, they might be more understanding as a result.

But that is what is working for us--everyone is different.

Philip said...

My family mocked gay people but not in a mean way and they were generally not opposed to gay people the way some people are. I would say they were more ignorant than anything else while some people are ignorant and just plain mean. Plus, they are not religious so they didn't have the concerns so many religious people have.

Once they knew I was gay, the jokes and comments stopped. Their behavior never changed towards me -but- they never went out of their way to better understand gay people. I guess you could say they love me unconditionally but that love doesn't extend to other gay people.

What surprises me most is how little my family knows about gay people and what they do know is mostly hearsay or something with no basis in fact that is accepted because it has been repeated so often.

That's why every once in a while a family member makes a comment that requires me straightening them out (pun intended).

Regards,
Philip

Hidden said...

I'm out to the majority of my family, and have a gay cousin as well. I feel out of place sometimes, and shunned others, but my parents are generally making an effort. My uncle, however, completely pretends like his son no longer exists. There have been baby steps of acceptance in our family, but I don't know that coming out has helped all that much (beyond helping us adjust and come to terms with who we are)