Tuesday, November 10, 2009

World's Apart

Yes, tonight I feel a world apart from my wife. It's my fault. I'm not giving her all she needs in our marriage. I don't know what to do. Yes, I wish it would go away and leave me alone. Yes, I feel terrible inside just like she does, but her feelings are validated by the world, the feelings I have are not. Is our love fatal for each other. Is it like poison, slowly killing us? Can just one need ruin everything we have? We are so different like light and dark, hate and love.

7 comments:

mandi said...

been there.
made it through.

Bror said...

yes, but it will always be a wedge between us. The enduring part is the most scary.

Beck said...

Been there, done that as well.

But, I wouldn't have believed that I could resurrect the spark and unity in a marriage that was heading for divorce. But I did.

Sure, it's a challenge and the enduring part is the hard part, and I don't want to speak for you, but I am a voice to say that efforts made in focusing on each other can help to strengthen not poison the relationship, even if there will always be that wedge.

JC said...

keeping you in my thoughts.

Bror said...

Beck, some days I don't want to endure. It makes me feel better. But it passes. The question is will it continue to pass?

Bror said...

JC, thanks, I am so happy to have found your blog.

marriedtoamoho said...

Bror, it CAN get better. It really can. Believe me- you've read my blog. Mikeal was looking for apartments. We were done. That wasn't very long ago. Today, I am so completely in love with this guy. It grows each time we CHOOSE to focus on the good and put our energy into the positive.
You've got to find your path that works for you. It took me walking a few steps into divorce to realize how insane that option was. It made marriage look like the only real option, and divorce hasn't registered on the radar since. But I had to get to that point, and make that decision. It may be different for the gay spouse, I don't know. But if you keep falling back on divorce, you won't allow the marriage to really thrive.
I've loved Beck's posts (sorry Beck, I piggy-backed in under Husband's invite. Hope that's okay.) about he and his wife re-connecting. They have been a breath of fresh air!