Friday, July 2, 2010

Kyle called.......

My wife said that Kyle called and wanted me to fix some things around the house.Things like the outside water faucet, the lawn mower, the back door, etc. I have been bad about getting things fixed around the house. I am trying to do better.
She says I would do anything for Kyle. She caught me off guard.  I do like him a lot and I am guilty of doing a lot of things for him. He is only here for a short time.  I just like to use my connections to help his stay here be the best possible. I have a crush on him.
She says you love him don't you.  Yes, I do. There are things I do love about him. I love the way he makes me feel when in his presence. I love his Christlike nature. I love his desire to do good and make our town a better place to live. I love how he takes care of the poor and the needy. The kids  love him so much. I see it when he is spending time with them. They hug and love him so. I love his smile. It is contagious. I love going hiking with him. He wants to see as much of Utah before he leaves. I want to help him do that.
My wife asks were does she fit in the picture? She says she does not have what I need. She cries and asks if I want to leave and discover my other needs. It breaks my heart she feels this way.  I do love her with all my heart, mind and soul. I don't want to leave.  I just have this other need that is never going away, I can't suppress it anymore. I need my Moho and guy friends.
I am all scrambled up inside. I don't know how to unscramble things. I want to but I can't. Sometimes when I think about it I cry.

14 comments:

Joned Rahadian said...

Yup! You need to hang out with some gay friends and talk about it.

ABout your wife, I dont really know what to suggest. I just hope everything will be well. However, If you still truly love her, you will stay faithful to her, no matter what happen.

Joned

Bravone said...

I don't think your needs and your marriage are mutually exclusive. Balance can be found, and it is wonderful. I need both.

Public Loneliness said...

Text or call me if you need someone to talk to
(((hugs))), pl

Beck said...

I can relate to this. I've been "guilty" of dropping everything to help a friend (particularly guyfriends of the "crushing" variety), yet allow my own family little time to take care of their needs and chores.

In reality, like all things, it is a balancing act. Do I drop things and urgently find myself so willing to help when it's one of my "guys" because they are my "guys" and I secretly want to be with them? Do I have that same urgency with my home teaching families or neighbors when they call? And why is my family not just as important?

When I keep them all in balance is when I'm happiest and "she's" happy, too.

Scott said...

I believe that in any MOM there will be moments when the wife feels slighted, neglected, and left out.

We can try with all our might to find "balance" between our own needs and the needs and wants of our spouses, but at least every once in a while, it won't be enough. It can't be--we're just not wired to give a woman everything she wants from a man.

I've learned to accept that, and to recognize that it's simply an inherent part of the relationship that Sarah and I have, and to not take it personally when she questions my love or devotion. Those moments don't tend to last.

Good luck!

MoHoHawaii said...

I think Scott's comment is on the mark. You have to face the reality that there are some differences between your situation and that of a straight couple. Accomodating these differences, for example, by not taking it personallly in cases where somebody's needs aren't fully met, is a huge success factor. In other words, your marriage can be okay without following the exact same script as every other marriage.

Bror said...

@Bravone, She has a hard time with me having any friends really. She is super possessive of me. And she knows this and is trying to be better about my friends gay or straight. She fears that one day the friendship might turn into something more.

Bror said...

@ Public, I know your always there when I need you. Thanks so much.

Bror said...

@ Beck, I have been terrible about balancing anything lately. I want to balance but I don't. I need to get that will to balance back. But with an intense crush going on it's a hard thing for me to do.

Bror said...

@ Scott, Thanks for your understanding and yes, these moments do pass but the feelings remain the same. But I have found that total honesty with my wife is the best. It breaks my heart I cannot give her the answers she needs but I cannot lie about how I feel anymore. I will take what comes. It is so much nicer to just tell the truth no matter how hurtful.

Mister Curie said...

I suggest reading "When Husbands Come out of the Closet" by Jean Schaar Gochros, PhD, for you and your wife. It has really helped me understand the dynamics in a MOM and how to better respond to them.

Dean Grey said...

I think it's natural to cry in this situation because it involves more than one person being affected.

Wish I knew what to tell you but I don't.

(((HUGS)))

-Dean

Sarah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Doomed But Cheerful! said...

Bravone and MohoHawaii pretty much have it.
I am already where you are, and it has not been the easiest journey. Things can work, if you are all prepared to work on it, talk and accommodate eachother.
I agree with the 'script' analogy. Time to write your own script!

Happy New Year! G =]