Friday, August 19, 2011

It's been awhile.

Not much has changed in my world. I am still attracted to guys and married. Every time one of our kids heads off to college my wife mentions she feels the last one to leave will be me. I guess she has every right to believe this will happen. She worries she will be alone without anyone one day. I try to make her feel better but nothing works. I am sure it's because of who I am. The subject of divorce comes up every once in a while. We usually just talk about it and it goes away for for a bit, but it always resurfaces sooner or later. I think it's good we can talk about most anything comfortable or not. I have done some things lately that have made her feel sad. I hate when I make her feel sad. It seems to take her longer to get over the feeling. She feels that we are on totally different pages. I agree. I don't know that we have ever been on the same page. I don't think that is always a bad thing.

4 comments:

santorio said...

I don't doubt that some marriages have the continuous sharing of mind and values that mine does not and perhaps yours neither. The best I can do is to shrug it off. Since I am not out to my wife, she blames my moodiness on work stress, or childhood issues (my poor Mom gets blamed for a lot, but whose mother doesn't), or whatever. Then the clouds pass and we enjoy our kids, and our common intellectual and artistic interests, and of course our long history together.

Sounds cynical but lowered expectations helps a lot.

Miguel said...

That's the ebb & flow of life. I probably can't think of a couple (mixed-orientation) or not who couldn't think the way that you two are. That's just how life flows for better or worst.
Hugs,Miguel

Beck said...

Not being on the same page on everything is not necessarily a bad thing, provided you can continue to talk about everything.

I have found that as hard times come (and they do come) as children get older, we need each other even more to be able to discuss and work things out - despite our differences. We have been able to get past the gay-issue by concentrating on how we need each other as we work through things.

I hope that's applicable in some way.

Not Alone said...

My wife is the exact same way Bror. I tell her I don't know what is ahead, but I am here now. I am where I want to be. I think all you can do is continue to talk about it when it comes up and continue to respect each other.